Hoping for some guidance or advice, don't know where else to turn.
So I'm new here. Basically I googled Christian support websites in hopes of finding some help or guidance. Here's my background. I met my hubby in
2007. 3 months later we were engaged. A year later we were married. I have been a Christian since I was a teenager however I was raised in a Christian
home and in church all my life. I had always deep down doubted my then fiancées salvation but he told me the moment he got saved at a youth camp. He
always was up for going to church and what not. I was in love so I didn't want to dig any deeper incase I found out he wasn't really saved. So we
got married all the while in the back of my mind I had a little doubt. Did we rush into things after only knowing each other a year. Is he a true
Christian. Would his being raised by only his mom who is a loose canon affect his parenting skills On and on. After we got married he continued to go
to church with me and what not but oneday a few months into the marriage he springs on me that he has doubts that god even exists. That scared me.
Here I am already married, don't believe in divorce and finding out my husband is possibly and athiest. Still he went to church and even agreed to do
nightly devotions with me. A few times I found porn on his comp. I confronted him as I feel very strongly about this due to personally known people
who have ended their marriage over this. He apologized and sai he'd never do it again he had no idea it hurt me so bad. Through the course of our
relationship I have found porn on his comp at least 4 moretimes. Everytime he lies to cover it up until I tell him I found it myself and he can't
lie. Everytime he gets a little more callaused regarding my feelings. Anyways in oct of 09 he joined the military an left for 6 months to go to boot
camp and tech school, I was 6 months pregnant. He came home for the birth in jan and stayed the first three days of ou daughters life then had to go
back to school till she was four months old. When he came home I was looking at the birth video on his comp and again I found porn that he had been
watching while away at school while I was raising our baby. He of course lied till I showed him I had proof. He explained it was meerly to help
relieve himself on occasion since we were apart for so long and it was no big deal but to me it felt like the last straw. In June we moved to japan
leaving my family who I am very close to was the hardest thing ever. Since we had been staying with them sinc sept of 2008 we thought our marriage
might benefit from finally being alone just us an our new baby. But since being here things have gone from bad to worse to horrible. I nolonger trust
him due to the whole porn thing. He spends all his free time with his buddies working on cars and going to junkyards. If he's not with them he's
online researching car stuf or on his xbox. He is good with our daughter when he isn't doing the above stuff which is about five min out of his day.
I feel like I'm living with a roomate not a spouse. He feels since he earns the living and provides financially he earns the right to relax on xbox
or hangout with guys working on cars. I agree but he doesn't know how to split his time with family and friends. It's all friends and no family.
I've told him I'm unhappy and I feel like he isn't even wantig a family or to be married. It's like the six months he was gone for the military
made him realiz how much he missed being single. But no matter what I say or how much I try to talk to him it never gets through to him. I've
suggested counseling and he sees nothing wrong so no need to do that. Anytime I try to talk to him about our issues he makes it out like I'm blowing
things out of porportion. I feel like I'm only staying with him for my daughters sake so she will have both parents around. I have stopped caring
about myrelationship with him because it's easier to deal with the hurt and dissappointment if I tell myslf I don't care. When I try to be the
bigger person and be over the top caring or kind he takes advantage of it and it blows up in my face...which is why I've stopped trying. We lay in
bed and neither one of us say goodnight or I love you. I haven't felt a kiss or a hug or a handholds in I don't know how long. I don't believe in
divorce bu I find myself constantly planning for a future of single parenthood I just don't know what to do. Sorry to go on so long andthankyou to
whoeer has tAke. The time to read all of this. Please share any wisdom or advice for I am at a lost and mine and my daughters happiness is at stake.
JOI
Awesome Poster
Posts: 3625
Registered: 11-1-2005
Location: In Christ
Your problem is classic today and I am sorry you find yourself in this situation.
I would hope that you can salvage your marriage but must say it takes two people to work through a sitauation of this nature.
Breaking the porn habit is said to be really tough, but I say nothing is to hard for God.
Since you have tried several things already, perhaps you can just make a little bit if a life for you and your daughter where
you are. Find time and places the two of you can perhaps take a walk and just have fun together. This is important to both
you and your child. You need some normalcy in your life. When my neice and her husband were in Japan thay found a good
Church to attend, and perhaps you can do the same. Having a family who believes in Christ, as you do, can be beneficial.
Another tactic you may employ is in telling God everything you have told us and then tell Him that you have tried everything
you have at hand and that you now turn your husband and your marriage over to Him, because you are at a loss as how to
proceed. Then wait on Him.
Be as kind as you can be to your husband. He knows how you think about his unacceptable porn habits and his time with his buddies.
Sometime being kind and living your life in spite of his not being there will indicate to him that you CAN live your life in a normal
fashion, without him. It may be a message he does not like seeing. Maybe?
I hope you will continue to visit us and give others time to wiegh in.
I pray that God will guide you through this rough time and that He works all to glorify Him self in this matter, and give you peace,
for Christ's sake.
The coming of the lawless one is according to the working of Satan, with all power, signs, and lying wonders.... because they did not receive the love
of the truth, that they might be saved." 2 Thessalonians 2:9-10
Christ said; "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." John 14:6
Christ did not die to make bad men good; He died to make dead men live.
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posted on 8-20-2010 at 12:30 PM
